(Note: Another off-theme post for the blog (like the Skittles a few months ago) because sometimes things are so annoying I need to vent).
If you listen to sports talk radio on satellite radio for even a little bit, one thing becomes annoying really quickly: the commercials. There are a host of commercials I dislike with various levels of vitriol, but one has become my personal least favorite: a DISH commercial for their Hopper DVR. It features their kangaroo mascot and a discussion about college football that takes place at the DMV. It is horrible.
Here is audio of the commercial if you are lucky enough not to have heard it thousands of times and committed it to memory, as I (unfortunately) have:
If you can’t listen to the audio clip (or don’t want to, because it’s so annoying), here’s a transcript of the pertinent parts:
[Scene: Somewhere at a DMV, a kangaroo and a college football fan named Dave are sitting together. The kangaroo is watching live college football on her tablet. Presumably, all around them DMV employees are on smoking breaks and/or not otherwise performing their required job duties while many customers impatiently wait for their turn to be told they don’t have the required paperwork and should come back another time.]
Dave/College Football Fan: What are you doing?
Kangaroo: Watching live college football with DISH.
Dave/College Football Fan: Live college football?
Kangaroo: Totally. With the Hopper from DISH, I can watch live college football anywhere.
Dave/College Football Fan: So intense. I feel like I’m back in the stands.
Kangaroo: OK. Whoa, easy Dave.
Dave/College Football Fan: It’s like I’m back in college, in the crowd!
Kangaroo: Dave, put your shirt back on! You’re not in college, you’re in the DMV. Everybody’s staring!
Just typing that out annoyed me. Why? I have many reasons.
First, I suspect I am supposed to find the kangaroo advertising the Hopper to be clever (Get it? Because a kangaroo hops and the product is the Hopper?), but it is so. so. so. annoying. That voice. That horrible attitude. Also? It’s Hopper the Kangaroo, only that is one itty-bitty kangaroo based on the television commercials that go with this radio one. I’m pretty sure this “kangaroo” is actually a wallaby. Am I a nerd because this bothers me? Yes. Yes, I am.
Second, if you’ve attempted to stream live television over the Internet (particularly live sporting events), you know that it is a hit or miss proposition over a cellular connection. Put simply, if you don’t want to watch a stream that pauses at inopportune times and causes you to harbor the sort of feelings that result in the device being thrown across a room, you need a non-cellular internet connection. In other words, the “kangaroo” and Dave are watching football on a wifi connection. This commercial takes place at the DMV. If there is a DMV somewhere in the United States that has working wifi, this comes as a major surprise to me. I’m pretty sure most DMVs are still relying on telegraphs and carrier pigeons for all communication.
Third, presumably this commercial takes place at a time when live college football is on television AND the DMV is open. Note: for those who aren’t college football fans, a few college football games take place on Thursday and Friday evenings, but the vast majority of the games take place Saturday afternoon and evening. Where I live, the DMV is not open at these hours, because it’s the DMV and wants to make as much trouble as possible for you by only being open at times when you are at work. Apparently, the only place this commercial could be taking place is the West Coast, and only if said branch of the DMV happens to have Saturday hours.
Fourth, and the thing that bothers me the most: the kangaroo gets upset at her companion for taking off his shirt at the DMV and suggests that “Everybody’s staring” at them because he just took his shirt off. This requires you to ignore the fact that this is being said by a TALKING KANGAROO/WALLABY PRETENDING TO BE A KANGAROO. I fully expect to see all manner of humanity at the DMV, including people who find shirts to be a hindrance to the ability of their bellies to breathe. You know what I don’t expect to see at the DMV? A talking marsupial. I’m pretty sure I know what “everybody’s staring” at, and it isn’t the overenthusiastic DMV patron.
On the plus side, every time I hear this commercial, it makes me happy I have DirecTV. So there’s that.