I wish I didn’t have to post this.
Choppy passed away Sunday evening.
I have cried so much.
On Monday morning, I took our walk by myself. She would have loved it. There were bunnies out everywhere. One of our neighbors had brought her treats – he does every morning. Another had left her a giant bone at the end of his driveway. There was even some fresh roadkill along the way, which grossed me out but for Choppy, just catching a whiff of it would have made her day.
Later in the morning, we came home from taking her to the vet for the last time, and I didn’t hear the familiar sound of her nails on the hardwood floor or the jangling of the tags on her collar as she waited for me to open the door.
Just thinking about the fact that she will never be waiting on the other side of the door ever again is making me cry. Again.
The mailman came after we got home, and no one barked at him when he left a package on the front porch. Do you know what was in the package? A bag of Choppy’s food.
She still would have barked at him like he was a potential murderer.
Right now, Choppy would normally be lying next to me, snoozing the day away. She was so patient, content to be next to me while she waited for it to be time for our afternoon walk or for me to bring her a treat.
Tonight, when I go to bed, I won’t be able to give Choppy her normal good night kiss. I won’t hear her lightly snoring, or moving from her bed to the floor – the familiar nighttime noises of our bedroom.
I am not going to sleep much tonight. I didn’t sleep much last night.
Pretty much all I have done today is think about Choppy. I have been writing this post for hours; deleting and writing and doing it all again. Whatever I say here, it won’t even come close to capturing anything of what Choppy meant to me. This isn’t a comprehensive look at her life. It isn’t meant to be. I just want to write something – anything – about her today. To make myself feel better. Thank you for reading.
Choppy made my life so much better than it would have been without her. I hope I, in turn, gave her a good life. I tried to.
We went places. Sometimes these were elaborate trips to places like Alaska. Most of the time, though, it meant she just came with me to the grocery store and hung out in the car while I shopped. Choppy didn’t care where we went; she just wanted to be with me. The feeling was mutual – I just wanted to be with her, too.
We walked. We walked a LOT. Every day, we walked at least a couple of miles. Choppy loved her walks. This last Saturday morning, I loaded her up in her cart, and we took a leisurely walk of just under four miles; Sunday, we were out for over four miles. You could not have asked for better weather for walking – clear skies, pleasant temperatures, a slight breeze. Choppy wasn’t doing great either day, but from the way she tilted her head against the wind as she rode in her cart, you could tell she was enjoying herself, even if she couldn’t do the walking on her own.
I didn’t know those would be our last two walks together. I am glad I didn’t know. I just got to enjoy spending a few hours with her on the trails we have walked every morning for years.
Choppy loved her toys. She probably had a thousand different toys in her lifetime – that’s not an exaggeration. When she was younger, she seemed to make it her mission to destroy every squeaker in every toy she had in under a minute. Even when she got older and didn’t play with (/destroy) her toys as much, she would still drag them around the house and pull the occasional squeaker out of them. I have picked up a lot of stuffed animal cotton over the years.
Choppy’s enthusiasm for sticking her head out of the car window knew no bounds. A temperature with a minus sign in front of it meant nothing to Choppy. I had some very cold car rides so Choppy could enjoy herself.
I loved dressing Choppy up in costumes, but do you know her dirty little secret? Choppy loved her costumes as well. All I had to do was get near her clothing boxes in the basement, and her eyes would light up. She would start bouncing on her paws, already excited for the chance to put on a costume.
I got Choppy just a few days after I turned 30. She was there for almost all of the big moments of my life over the last eleven years – including when Paul and I got married. She is in so many pictures from the reception. You can see her walking in with Paul and me when we are announced to the reception, and trying to get in on our first dance, and just hanging out at my side while I do wedding-y things. It may have been the happiest day of her life, based solely on the sheer amount of food guests gave her to eat throughout the course of the evening. I think she had at least 10 full plates of food and even more dessert.
There are a million little things I loved about her.
I loved the way she daintily ate her evening ice cream, never spilling a drop of it.
I loved the way she would throw her whole back end into you, in the hope that you would give her a butt rub.
I loved the way she would dream, her paws going a mile a minute as she half-barked at whatever was running through her imagination.
I loved the way her tail curled over her back.
I loved that some of her paws stayed pink her whole lifetime – she was meticulous about keeping her paws clean.
I loved her eyebrows.
I loved that little white streak that ran up her snout.
I loved how soft her ears were.
I loved the way she smelled (even if she was sometimes a little stinky).
I am not sure a single dog has been so loved by so many. So many of you loved her, even if you never met her in person. I wish you all could have met her. She would have loved all of you (especially if you brought her treats). In her daily life, there were so many people who loved her, too. I know I am not the only one who has or is going to shed a lot of tears about losing Choppy.
I know I will have more to say at some point. I could talk about Choppy for hours (and have spent many hours of my life doing just that). Maybe I will do little memories, or take some old pictures of her and talk about what we were doing that day for some future posts. There are some scheduled posts coming up, and I am not going to mess with those. I like the idea of being surprised by an unexpected Choppy post that I don’t remember over the next few months. I will likely continue to post Howlidays posts – I have hundreds of pictures of her for those, so it’s like archival footage now.
Right now, though, I’m not going to rush anything. I will have lots of time to think about Choppy and the memories I have with her. Just don’t expect a lot of posting over the next couple of weeks.
For now, I’ll just end with the two thoughts that I can’t shake.
I love you, Choppy. I am going to miss you so much.
Oh Sarah, I was not expecting that when I saw your post pop up! I am devastated for you because it was obvious how much you loved Choppy. You are right, she was also special to so many of us. Sending love to you, Paul and Schooner (who I’m sure will miss her even though he thinks he won’t).
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PS, you girls both look FABULOUS in that photo. *Wiping my eyes*
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Oh Sarah, I didn’t realise how serious things were. I thought the procedure was orthopædic in nature. I’m guessing a post-operative complication. Sarah, you and Choppy, and Schooner and Paul, have brought so much joy to so many people. You’ve brought bloggers together from around the world who have got to know one another through our mutual love of Choppy. This feels surreal to have just read this, and while we grieve the death of so many humans during this pandemic, the life of Choppy every day made me so happy to see. *Hugs* and love to you, and Paul, and Schooner. Take care and take it easy Sarah.
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❤️❤️
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As the tears roll down my face like a slow running waterfall and my heart aches, I’m so very sorry, Sarah. Choppy was such a sweet girl, always ready for a walking adventure and a dress up date. May the tender memories you shared provide some measure of comfort in her loss. No doubt Choppy will be watching over you from across the Bridge. Hugs and tail wags to you, Paul and Schooner. 💔
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😭😭😭😭
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Something I wrote after we lost Barkley that ended up in the book. I hope it brings you some comfort. “As I come home tonight, I understand that he is not here. Still, as I step up the steps, I desperately want to hear the soft “woof” of a black lab, waiting in the kitchen for me to step in. But I can only approach, in that utter quiet that is now the house, sensing those who are absent who inhabited this place but exist now as only ghosts of my past, living on the breath of memory.
I stand outside the door, hearing hushed wind, hand on the doorknob, hesitant to open the door to every memory, hesitant more, to leave them behind. I stand there silently, my presence not detected by dogs forever silent, motionless, trying to blend in with the house, the dark wood and trees, listening to the living presence of a home, all the lives and love and heartache that went into it, that formed these four walls, that now form me.
I listen, as a churchgoer does, to chants in ancient languages that no one understands, but listens to anyway, the words a peace that flows like water. There is no bark but that of the trees, and the baleful sound of a wind that speaks the name of one departed. I listen for things I’d dream of, if only I could sleep.
I open up the door to go on in. I have no words for what I am feeling. I have no name for the quiet that waits inside. But that is OK. There are no words for the shafts of light between the trees, of the unity of earth and roots and small creatures that are born and die as food for the soil. There are no names for the rocks that direct a streams flow, for the fur and leaves that line an eagle’s nest. Yet they are, and always will be. Strong. Necessary. Waiting. “
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I’m very sorry for your loss. Pets bring so much into our lives and the right matches help us learn the meaning of true love.
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Grieving with you.
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Oh, no! I’m so sorry. Choppy will be deeply missed. I know how you feel. My Cinnamon passed away 6 years ago and I still miss her a lot. Choppy will be waiting for you across the Rainbow Bridge.
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I am so sad for you. We grieve as much as we loved them, I know she was loved so much. Lost my 11 yr old golden, Oliver last Thursday to hemangiosarcoma so am still in the numb, preoccupied state, with episodes of sobbing that I can’t predict. Am sure I’m over sharing but I suspect you will understand That I have lost my sense.
Please take good care of you, and accept as much comfort from others, human and animal, as you can. Run free Choppy, via con Dias until you both meet again.
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What a beautiful life you gave her. So sorry to hear this sad news.
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I’m so sorry, Sarah. I know how much it hurts to lose your best friend. I loved her pictures in her various outfits and your blog when you 2 traveled together. I will miss her so much. I even enjoyed her w/her new cat bud. The captions were hilarious. Many of my friends loved her photos too. Sending you tons of hugs that still won’t help your pain but there are a lot of us that will miss Choppy too.🧡💚💙
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We’ll always see you Choppy.
So glad you had those days on the trail.
May peace and comfort wrap warmly around you. A soft cheek pat from RC Cat and a gentle lean from Molly Malamute.
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Oh no!!! This is a terrible shock. And loss. I love Choppy. I loved looking for her on Fridays. Following all the posts. So many days I was down and I’d see her photo and it changed my mood. I’m so sorry for this awful loss for you, Sarah. Nothing about this is easy. My heart is broken. Love, Paulette
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❤️🥰 Oh, Sarah & Paul & Schooner….I can’t believe I finished reading this post, It’s so difficult to read through lots of tears. I am so sad for you & overwhelmed by such sad news. Cry as much as you need to. Yes, we all loved Choppy & the fun that she brought to our lives will be much remembered…always. Sending the hugest hugs that I can…much love…❤️
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I try so hard, in times of sadness, to find a little silver lining….it’s something my brain just tries to do….Sarah & Paul: be ‘glad’ you don’t need to go to work tomorrow & you can spend time comforting each other . The absolute joy and fun you brought to so many of us around the world, all the hundreds of posts of Choppy & Schooner dressed up, Choppy hiding, have been so much fun. You are imaginative, Sarah & the way you shared your loving dog with all of us has been extremely special. We love you for it. You are wonderfully fun & caring Pet Parents. ❤️
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I’m on my fourth Kleenex and it took me 15 minutes to read this through to the end. I am SO SORRY that Choppy is gone. She (and you) gave us so much happiness over the years. I am grateful for that, but her loss feels immense, that she is no longer with us. Even though I didn’t know her in person, I loved her, her costumes and theme days. They always made smile or laugh right out loud, which would prompt my spouse to automatically ask, “What is Choppy doing now?” She lifted my heart so many times over the years, that I can’t begin to express my gratitude that such a pure spirit touched mine.
I can scarcely imagine how you must be feeling, Sarah, I know she was your right hand gal. Such a hole she leaves behind. Thank you for sharing her with us. We share your grief. Be good to yourself as you walk the path of healing. Sending you much love and hugs.
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I have no words, but I do have tears. So sorry to hear this. Tippy and I are sending you all hugs and kisses. She will be missed by many of us all around the world.
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Ohhh …i will miss choppy here too…your adventures together really makes us smile and happy
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Oh no. I’m so, so sorry to hear this. I know this pain, and there’s none quite like it. My heart breaks for your loss. 😢
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I’m so so very sorry! The saddest day from the entire journey of having such a great companion and friend 🐶 🐕 💕
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Oh, honey, my heart is breaking for you! Losing a member of your family is awful, especially now with all the craziness in the world. I know you and Paul were thrilled to be her people for as long as you had her and I know she couldn’t have asked for more love than she got from you. I loved showing your posts to my 7 year old grandson and laughing with him over the silliness of Choppy and Schooner’s costumes and expressions. She will be missed 💕
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I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. Our pets fill our lives and our hearts and when they are no longer here they leave an indescribably huge void.
I will say to you, what my vet told me when I took my dog to the vet for the last time. He told me that I had made the right choice. And then he told me that my dog “had won the doggy lottery” when he came into my life.
And so I say the same to you now. Choppy won the doggy lottery when he came into your life.
My deepest sympathies to you.
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Dear God. I am sure my tears are part of an ocean of love flowing your way. Holding and Choppy forever in my heart. I am here for you Sarah. ❤
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I am so sorry for your loss. I know Choppy had a wonderful life with you and Paul and Schooner, and that you will miss all miss her. She certainly lit up my day every time I saw one of your posts. Take care.
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The post that I would never have wanted to read – that is all I can say just now, with tears in my eyes.
My thoughts are with you,
Pit
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Oh Sarah, I’m so sorry. Choppy was the first doggie I followed on social media. Looked forward to her silly pictures, loved your trip to Alaska. We are all grieving with you. Love and hugs to you.
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Oh Sarah. That was not what I was expecting in today’s post. I am so sorry. Every now and then a pet gets into our life a little deeper than we expect. My background included cats and rabbits, but one cat (Skeeta) still occupies my thoughts on a regular basis. Ray is even much closer than Skeeta and I can only imagine the turmoil when he decides it’s time to move on. Please accept my sincere condolences. My thoughts are with you during this very difficult time, and please feel free to take a break from blogging if you so wish. I would have loved to meet Choppy, but I feel that I knew something of her from your Blog posts … and will miss her dress-ups and balancing acts! Take care Sarah .. and rest in peace dearest Choppy.
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Tears, Sarah. I’m so, so sorry.
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My deepest condolences.
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I’m truly sorry for your loss. Take care.
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I’m so deeply sorry. It is so heartbraking… *Hugs*
❤
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We are shocked and deeply saddened to hear about Choppy. We always enjoyed reading Choppy posts and seeing the next silly photo. We’ll always remember her poop machine costume that she wore in Noodle’s costume contest. Thank you for sharing her with us over the years. She was able to help so many people smile. Praying for peace and comfort to find you. *ear licks* Noodle and family
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So very sorry for your loss ~there are no other words xx
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So sorry to read this, Sarah, Choppy was such a good girl and part of your family.
Celebrate her life and remember the joy, happiness and unconditional love she gave you all.
❤️❤️❤️
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Such sad news, so sorry to hear that Choppy has passed Sarah, big hugs! xx
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I am so sorry … sending lots of love from our family to yours ♥️
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I was bawling before I finished reading this. I can’t even imagine how you are feeling. I’ve already prayed and will keep you in my thoughts. I feel like I know him and I will miss him in your posts. I don’t even know what to say. God bless you both. Thanks for letting me get to know him. I am so sorry for your loss. And Schooner’s as well.
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I’m so so sorry to hear Choppy’s gone. I lost both my cats last year and understand your pain. I always smiled at Choppy’s outfits and often wondered how she was so patient to pose along side the cat. Now I know the secret, she loved dress up! I’m looking forward to the archived Howlidays posts!
Sending lots of light xo
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I’m besides myself with sorrow. Choppy was a big part of all of our lives. I think I’ve been reading you two’s blog for over 10 years! Even my phone dictionary has learned ‘Choppy’ 😅 She was an awesome doggo and I’ll regret never meeting her in person.
I wish you comfort in this sad time. Know that you will see her again. And that she loved you more than anything. ❤️❤️❤️
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Along with many many others, this is a post I never wanted to read. I felt that I had tuned in on the tail end of Choppy’s surgery situation, but NEVER visualized it playing out this way. She was a one-of-a-kind special girl, and she landed in exactly the right place. You made her warmth and joy shine through and caught her smile (and tail-flag) so they were able to jump out at all of her readers. I will miss her celebrations, costumes, hilarious interchanges with Schooner, and her smiling boopable face. Choppy loved well and was well-loved in her life. Thank you for sharing her with us. Cupcake and I said prayers that all of her family and friends can heal well from this loss. We know Choppy’s tail flag will fly high as she watches over all of you. RIP, sweetie. xoxo
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I am so sorry for your loss. I am crying for you. Carwyn and I are sending our love.
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Sarah, as you probably know I wrote a loooong comment to you on Facebook because I couldn’t comment from my phone last night. After I read your post, I didn’t stay up long……..I had to go to bed, I am just so upset about sweet Choppy. My heart breaks for you. I’m still shocked. Like someone who commented above, I also didn’t know about the surgery until after, and when I read that Choppy was ok, I never, ever expected this. No one would. As others have mentioned, Choppy was sooooooo loved by sooo many………I always marveled at how you could get her to do all of the things she would do so patiently. I loved when she and Schooner would be together in a post…….having a cat and a dog at home too this really hits me hard. I just do not have the words to convey just how MUCH Choppy will be missed……nor do I have the words that tell you how deeply sorry I am. You have a knack for making us laugh with just one photo, that is a true talent……..but………Choppy made it all possible with her incredible demeanor, darling face and wonderful disposition. She will never, ever be forgotten. Once again, I am sending you love and my deepest sympathy. Please give Schooner lots of kisses from me too. xoxoxo
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Clear trails, sweet girl.
Walk on, my friend.
Scott, Sasha and the Ghost of Chuy
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We send respect,
Nuk & family
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I am so sorry for your loss, Sarah. Choppy was loved by so many (yours truly included) but no one loved her more and better than you did.
Sincerely,
Deb
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Oh Sarah, my stomach dropped to the floor when I read this. I had no idea she was so poorly. How did I miss that? I am so, so very sorry. Choppy was loved by all of your readers.
Rainbow Bridge has another star. Hugs to you.
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I am so sorry to hear about Choppy’s passing. It is such a difficult thing. We lost our Darcy this past summer. Pets are such an important part of our family and it leaves such a hole when they’re gone. I hope you take comfort in knowing how many smiles and moments of joy Choppy brought into our lives. While I haven’t been commenting as much, I continue to get your posts in my inbox and enjoy them so much. Choppy was a sweet girl.
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You have so eloquently expressed my feelings and I am sitting here bawling my eyes out. I feel your pain. We lost Tesha a couple of months back. I ltoo lost my best furfiend. Thank you for the laughs and the memories. You are right, Choppy was one very well loved dog.
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So sorry, Sarah. Beautiful tribute. You gave Choppy an amazing life, and she knew it.
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I am so sincerely sorry to hear the news Sarah. This has got to be so difficult for you. I am one of those who have never met Choppy, but love her deeply. You have written this tribute so beautifully. Beautiful memories haring your adventures together. I always wondered if Choppy enjoyed being dressed up. So cool her eyes would light up when she would see the costume boxes. And I have always been humbled by how the “Dog Walk Challenge” all got started. Choppy was so loved, and will be deeply missed! 💙
Sincerely,
Carl
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I’m so sorry.🌹
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Hi, Sarah. I couldn’t bring myself to read your full post last night, well, tears wouldn’t allow me too.
Choppy will be missed so much by all who knew her, and followed her antics via your blogs and posts. It will take Paul and yourself a while to come to terms with her passing, love such as the love you shared isn’t easily forgotten. I look forward to seeing the old pics of Choppy when you are ready to post. Take care of each other, and Schooner – Schooner will miss Choppy, too. X
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