Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

Apparently my clients understand your concerns and want to keep this dialogue amicable. They are willing to remove the suggestions of the “French maid costume,” as well as all Lady Gaga attire. They are firm, however, on the matching costumes you make them wear.

They also feel the money their pictures have generated has secretly been laundered into an offshore emerging market banking institution intended to finance YOUR future retirement. Although they were only able to offer me tangible proof in the amount of $1.25 ( a check they were able to photograph with your camera and email to me,) it is believed several more dollars have likely been deposited using sophisticated encryption techniques. While our investigators continue to decipher the encrypted coding, my clients feel the treats requested provide a fair and reasonable compromise to any monetary compensation.

Choppy and Schooner (hereafter, known as, “THE CLIENTS”) are willing to go to the media if you continue to stall on their demands. Don’t underestimate their threats; you know they possess the skill to make signs which they wear around their necks expressing their sentiments.

We hope these terms are met within the next 7 days. “THE CLIENTS” have already scheduled a tentative TV interview with Matt Lauer on September 32nd and 33rd, 2016. I wanted to give you advanced notice to de-escalate the repercussions of such an event.

We await your response.

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