(Note: Another off-theme post for the blog (like the Skittles a few months ago) because sometimes things are so annoying I need to vent).
If you listen to sports talk radio on satellite radio for even a little bit, one thing becomes annoying really quickly: the commercials. There are a host of commercials I dislike with various levels of vitriol, but one has become my personal least favorite: a DISH commercial for their Hopper DVR. It features their kangaroo mascot and a discussion about college football that takes place at the DMV. It is horrible.
Here is audio of the commercial if you are lucky enough not to have heard it thousands of times and committed it to memory, as I (unfortunately) have:
If you can’t listen to the audio clip (or don’t want to, because it’s so annoying), here’s a transcript of the pertinent parts:
[Scene: Somewhere at a DMV, a kangaroo and a college football fan named Dave are sitting together. The kangaroo is watching live college football on her tablet. Presumably, all around them DMV employees are on smoking breaks and/or not otherwise performing their required job duties while many customers impatiently wait for their turn to be told they don’t have the required paperwork and should come back another time.]
Dave/College Football Fan: What are you doing?
Kangaroo: Watching live college football with DISH.
Dave/College Football Fan: Live college football?
Kangaroo: Totally. With the Hopper from DISH, I can watch live college football anywhere.
Dave/College Football Fan: So intense. I feel like I’m back in the stands.
Kangaroo: OK. Whoa, easy Dave.
Dave/College Football Fan: It’s like I’m back in college, in the crowd!
Kangaroo: Dave, put your shirt back on! You’re not in college, you’re in the DMV. Everybody’s staring!
Just typing that out annoyed me. Why? I have many reasons.
First, I suspect I am supposed to find the kangaroo advertising the Hopper to be clever (Get it? Because a kangaroo hops and the product is the Hopper?), but it is so. so. so. annoying. That voice. That horrible attitude. Also? It’s Hopper the Kangaroo, only that is one itty-bitty kangaroo based on the television commercials that go with this radio one. I’m pretty sure this “kangaroo” is actually a wallaby. Am I a nerd because this bothers me? Yes. Yes, I am.
Second, if you’ve attempted to stream live television over the Internet (particularly live sporting events), you know that it is a hit or miss proposition over a cellular connection. Put simply, if you don’t want to watch a stream that pauses at inopportune times and causes you to harbor the sort of feelings that result in the device being thrown across a room, you need a non-cellular internet connection. In other words, the “kangaroo” and Dave are watching football on a wifi connection. This commercial takes place at the DMV. If there is a DMV somewhere in the United States that has working wifi, this comes as a major surprise to me. I’m pretty sure most DMVs are still relying on telegraphs and carrier pigeons for all communication.
Third, presumably this commercial takes place at a time when live college football is on television AND the DMV is open. Note: for those who aren’t college football fans, a few college football games take place on Thursday and Friday evenings, but the vast majority of the games take place Saturday afternoon and evening. Where I live, the DMV is not open at these hours, because it’s the DMV and wants to make as much trouble as possible for you by only being open at times when you are at work. Apparently, the only place this commercial could be taking place is the West Coast, and only if said branch of the DMV happens to have Saturday hours.
Fourth, and the thing that bothers me the most: the kangaroo gets upset at her companion for taking off his shirt at the DMV and suggests that “Everybody’s staring” at them because he just took his shirt off. This requires you to ignore the fact that this is being said by a TALKING KANGAROO/WALLABY PRETENDING TO BE A KANGAROO. I fully expect to see all manner of humanity at the DMV, including people who find shirts to be a hindrance to the ability of their bellies to breathe. You know what I don’t expect to see at the DMV? A talking marsupial. I’m pretty sure I know what “everybody’s staring” at, and it isn’t the overenthusiastic DMV patron.
On the plus side, every time I hear this commercial, it makes me happy I have DirecTV. So there’s that.
Thank you! Worst Ad Ever! It wasn’t until yesterday I learned that terrible accent was supposed to belong to a kangaroo… So bad.
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It is horrible! I also seem to catch it whenever I change channels during commercials, so I will end up hearing it three times in a few minutes.
-Sarah-
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I haven’t heard this ad, but this post is cracking me up. Hilarious, just hilarious. Just the type of over-analysis that should be devoted to every dumb commercial out there. Can I nominate the Spring Framily commercials for your next rant? 🙂
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I think the Sprint ones could use their own blog! That said, I see a follow-up…
-Sarah-
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Thank you for posting. I couldn’t agree more. Plus whoever green-lit that take of the “everybody’s staring” line should be fired.
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That is BY FAR the worst part of the commercial. Every time I hear it I feel compelled to (a) mock it, and (b) yell at the radio for playing it yet again.
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You’re right, totally annoying for many reasons. Ah yes, DMV, the great equalizer of humanity. As if a kangaroo (or whatever it is) at the DMV isn’t strange along with everyone else there! Ha. Seriously though, when it comes to Dish, feel free to rant away. 🙂
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Oh, I will! I really have meant to do more of my ranting posts. And many, many, many are about Dish.
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Even without having any familiarity with the station or product you’re ranting about, I say go for it. I dislike all commercials, and you do such a good job of ranting in general. Rant away my friend.
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Thanks! I need to do more of these!
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Paradelle for James
Routine runs to laugh behind the flake-barked tree.
Routine runs to laugh behind the flake-barked tree.
Whitey, my son’s dog, darts to freedom, breaks his heart.
Whitey, my son’s dog, darts to freedom, breaks his heart.
Whitey barked “freedom,” breaks routine, the darts flake.
My son’s laugh, his heart behind, runs to the dog tree.
Thick lips expect extra attention when cold weather arrives.
Thick lips expect extra attention when cold weather arrives.
He is so pure he gets awards that proclaim “angelic.”
He is so pure he gets awards that proclaim “angelic.”
Angelic lips proclaim extra weather. He arrives, gets attention.
That cold, so thick: expect awards when he is pure.
He always asks questions that stimulate even this old mind.
He always asks questions that stimulate even this old mind.
When spring arrives we throw balls, talk sports, eat strawberries.
When spring arrives we throw balls, talk sports, eat strawberries.
Always stimulate balls that mind strawberries. This spring, when
He asks, throw old questions, mind sports, talk, even eat.
He runs, asks routine questions, gets extra freedom, balls behind
Strawberries’ pure lips. Expect to laugh, Whitey to stimulate
Spring to sports. The flake always arrives. This old dog barked.
Cold weather breaks his heart, thick mind darts, my
Son’s always angelic. Proclaim when tree awards attention.
When we throw, talk, eat, he is so that, he even that.
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🙂
-Sarah-
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